Noisy guests bring chaos to the celebration

Dear Abby: I chaired an event with a local service organization. We spent many hours planning and decorating. During the program, several members jokingly began throwing items from the decorations at the guest speakers. At the end of the program, most of the room’s equipment was dismantled and placed on the floor.

My committee was tasked with cleaning up, which was difficult and tedious. We felt that many hours spent planning and doing hard work were disregarded because of these youthful antics. It was an end-of-year program where new officers were welcomed and the previous year was celebrated, with always some light-hearted antics. But I’ve never experienced complete chaos before. Should I say something or chalk it up to celebrating a successful end of the year? — Amazed in Texas

Dear Bewildered: Were these carefree members drunk or just disruptive? “Carelessly” destroying decorative elements and throwing parts of them at the speakers? What a lack of respect for all involved, not to mention potentially dangerous! I don’t think you should ignore what happened. Anyway, speak up. You and the other members of the committee certainly have the right to let the perpetrators know what you felt. You’re not the only one who is stunned. Me too.

Dear Abby: How do I tell my friend “Lili” that I think she would be happier if she got a divorce? To be clear, I don’t think her relationship is dangerous – it’s just unhappy. Things have been difficult with her wife for some time now. They try to solve everything, but every few months something new comes up or becomes a problem again.

Lila cares very much about her wife. She really wants everything to go well, but I keep hearing that she feels neglected and unattractive because of the way her wife treats her. Of course I’m only hearing half the story, but it sounds like Lila is putting in all the effort to make the relationship work and her wife isn’t reacting that way.

Part of the problem may be that Lila is an introvert and doesn’t have many friends besides me and my wife, which may be why she’s holding on to this relationship so tightly. I think they would both be happier if they stopped trying to work out the marriage and went back to being friends, but I don’t know how to tell Lila this or even if I should. Please help. — I’m listening in Maryland

Dear Listener: Stay away. Lila needs a friend and advisor at this point, not a life advisor. If her marriage is as dysfunctional as you described, sooner or later she will understand whether it is time to “turn it around” or end it. Understand that when a divorce occurs, most couples do not “get back to being friends” unless children are involved.

Dear Abby: What can I buy for Christmas for my brother who has terminal cancer? Nothing feels right – not music, books, or any of the other things he’s always liked. I’m lost. Any thoughts? — Saddened in Oregon

Dear Sad: I’m so sorry to hear about your brother’s diagnosis. The surest way to give him something he would enjoy would be to ask him what he would like. His activity may be limited, but he can point you in the right direction.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.