Mama Sandwich opens up about life after the devastating loss of her 17-year-old son to suicide on ‘Kent Tonight Special’

Authors: Abby Hook and Gerry Warren

Michelle Dore devotedly applies bright red lipstick every morning before she steps out into the world.

“You are not yourself without it,” her beloved son Max used to say.

That’s why since his tragic death almost three years ago, at the age of just 17, he has tried to portray himself as he remembered her.

“I made sure that when Max died, I would wear it every day, no matter what the weather, weather, trash or anything else,” she says.

Michelle is still struggling to come to terms with the loss of her only child after he took his own life on a railway line near his home in Sandwich in January 2022.

“I had a perfect life with Max and then it all ended,” she says.

She still can’t understand why her son, who seemingly had nothing to live for, decided to end it all.

“He was a happy, smiling and funny young man who had just passed his driving test, had an offer to study at university and had countless friends, and the best of them was in his mother,” he says.

“But it happened, I can’t change it, I can’t take it back. It was like someone I was allowed to get to know for a while.

Max’s grandmother, Pauline, adds: “It was like he came into this world for a reason and then the time came and he had to go.”

Michelle, who works for the NHS, gave a heartbreaking account of what it’s like to lose a child to suicide on the Kent Tonight Special, which will be broadcast on KMTV next Wednesday.

She talks to reporter Abby Hook about coping with “life after Max” and how she’s currently spreading awareness about the risk of suicide among young people.

“People don’t know how to navigate the topic of suicide. I’ve never done it, but now I do it,” she says.

The film will be broadcast KMTV next Wednesday at 5:30 p.m

“I hope I can educate people to be more open, to listen and to talk to people, because did I ever think I would be in this situation? Not in a million years.

“My message to everyone is that if Maxi had done this, it could have happened to anyone.

“It was a sudden decision. What could I do? I don’t think anything would have changed Max at that point, but I would say at that point just pick up the phone.

After Max’s death, an inquest heard that a note was found in his home that read simply: “I think I’m just not meant to live. I can never imagine myself living any longer.”

Michelle was mourned by some of Max’s friends from Sir Roger Manwood Grammar School in Sandwich.

“They were 18 when Max died, but they showed all adults because their behavior was incredibly adult,” he says.

“Many of his friends remain in touch and have been our greatest support.”

One friend, Molly Cullen, wonders what Max must have thought about his future at the time of his death.

“When we all get married, when we all have kids, it’s going to be something we all know that Max didn’t think he could do,” she says.

Another, Grace Wilson, recalls how Max liked to be the center of attention at school.

“But it was never about showing off, he was just being funny and he was Max,” he adds.

Tilly Wilson says Max’s friends have gone through two “grieving processes”.

“We had a period of mourning at school and then also after she passed away, because there was some element of his personality left after his death,” he recalls.

Max’s former director Lee Hunter is also involved in the film.

“In Max’s case, it was a huge shock that came out of the blue,” he says.

“As soon as someone we are concerned about goes missing, we will send an email that will go to every member of the pastoral team. We will then call home immediately or go looking for them if it is during the school day.

“It wouldn’t have helped with Max because we weren’t observing him at all, but we’re aware of that with students where we know they’re potentially vulnerable.”

Michelle keeps Max’s bedroom as it was and regularly sits on his bed.

“I can honestly say that I enjoy coming here. It’s strange that I’m sitting on the bed where Maxi was sitting, calling his friends or with our cat, whom he loved,” she says.

“I love Maxi more than ever, which is probably not possible.”

Last September, Michelle joined two other bereaved mums to take part in a 450km charity walk in aid of the PAPYRUS charity, which promotes awareness and aims to prevent suicide among young people, and ended at Sir Roger Manwood, where fans welcomed her like a hero.

When asked how she feels when she sees video clips of Max now, she replies: “It’s really beautiful, but really weird – achingly beautiful.”

A tree was planted and a bench was placed on the school grounds in memory of the popular student.

“Knowing that everyone will remember him just by looking at the amazing tree the school planted is a truly wonderful feeling,” says Michelle. “For me it’s weird but wonderful.”