Jaleel White says Jonathan Brandis’ death after series pilot was canceled made him question his acting skills

Brandis, 27, died by suicide in 2003.

Jaleel White he remembers the moment he learned Jonathan Brandis he died, which forced him to face a difficult reality.

The Family matters the star wrote in her new book: Urkel Growing Upthat he was awake writing one night when he learned that Brandis had died by suicide at the age of 27. The sad news comes months after Brandis, White, Frank Langella, Tippi Hedrenand the entire cast of the pilot of the TV series entitled 111 Gramercy Park found out it wasn’t picked up.

Getty(2) Jaleel White talks about her grief following the death of Jonathan Brandis — Getty(2)

Jaleel White talks about her sadness following the death of Jonathan Brandis

Getty(2) Jaleel White talks about her sadness following the death of Jonathan Brandis — Getty(2)

Jaleel White talks about her sadness following the death of Jonathan Brandis

“I stared at the computer screen as tears streamed down my face. I could only speculate what Jonathan was going through at the time,” White wrote. “Like me, he dedicated his entire life to achieving something Leonardo DiCaprio and the rest of his peer group seemed to handle it with ease. In my own way, I was a better-adjusted success story. I grew up in an industry that always told me I couldn’t measure up to Leo Tobey Maguirelevel of success, and yet I made an incredible living.”

Brandis began acting in television commercials when he was old enough to attend kindergarten. He then appeared in TV shows such as Who’s the boss? AND Full housebefore he played in Steven Spielberg-produced a science fiction series SeaQuest DSV. He also starred in films, including 1992 LadybugsNear Rodney Dangerfield AND Jackee HarryAND HelpersWith Chuck Norris.

White said his mother was visiting and staying at his guesthouse.

“She came into my office, saw my tears and immediately wanted to comfort me,” White said. “She always hated it when showbiz affected me in different ways in private, so she started sobbing too.”

White told her, “I can’t do this anymore, Mom. I want to withdraw. This business is killing people from the inside.”

The actor said he couldn’t break into the film because many would forever call him Steve Urkel. White said what saved him was that he knew from the beginning of his career that he would always play a secondary role.

“I imagine Jonathan felt like he needed this pilot to feed his soul,” White said. “I have never met an actor who repeatedly asked me about hook-up opportunities like he did when we were filming 111 Gramercy Park. He was as much of a veteran as I was, our pickup prospects should have been as clear to him as they were to me. It seemed to me that Jonathan, like me, was at another professional crossroads and 111 Gramercy Park it would give him a fair shot at leading man status. In my case, I would just play a different role, and there would be many more of them in the future.

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White and Brandis met in the 1980s when they appeared together in another TV pilot: Good morning, Miss Blisswhich ultimately – without them – became Saved by Bell.

“Jonathan and I were not close at all as children. But he and I always had a way of crossing paths many times,” White recalled. “Until now, our closest contact was a mutual friend, actress Tatyana Ali. He was Tatyana’s real boyfriend when I filmed my one and only episode The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Tatyana was so smitten with Jonathan that when it came time for us to kiss on screen, she turned her head so far towards the camera, hiding the fact that our lips were barely touching. I understand, Tatiana. No one misinterprets our professional responsibilities.”

But as 111 Gramercy Park the cast spent almost three weeks filming in Toronto, going out for dinner and drinks, and a “friendship developed” between the twenty-somethings.

The night White learned of Brandis’ death, he wrote, “he wept over something that resembled a fallen soldier.”

He then decided to find new representation and move forward.

Urkel Growing Up is already in bookstores.