Jaleel White questioned his acting career following the sudden death of Jonathan Brandis

Jaleel White he wonders how Death of Jonathan Brandis influenced the course of his career.

In his new book titled Urkel Growing UpWhite spoke about Brandis’ suicide in 2003, when he was just 27 years old. They recently found out that the series they shot the pilot for is called Gramercy Park 111, was not received.

The tragedy made White, 47, question his own experiences in the acting world.

“I stared at the computer screen as tears streamed down my face,” he wrote, per Entertainment Weekly. “I can only speculate what Jonathan was going through at the time. Like me, he dedicated his entire life to achieving something Leonardo DiCaprio and the rest of his peer group seemed to handle it with ease. In my own way, I was a better-adjusted success story. I grew up in an industry that always told me I couldn’t measure up to Leo Tobey Maguirelevel of success, and yet I made an incredible living.”

White said at the time that his mother was with him and she shared similar sentiments about the negative impact of the entertainment industry.

“She came to my office, saw my tears and immediately wanted to comfort me,” he recalled, saying that losing Brandis was like losing a “fallen soldier.”

“She always hated it when showbiz affected me in different ways in private, so she started sobbing too.”

That’s when White told her, “I can’t do this anymore, Mom. I want to withdraw. This business is killing people from the inside.”

White noticed this after he made a name for himself as Steve Urkel ON Family matters, he knew breaking into different roles would be difficult. But for Brandis 111 Gramercy Park had a major impact on determining what his future as an actor would look like.

“I imagine Jonathan felt he needed this pilot to feed his soul,” White wrote. “I have never met an actor who repeatedly asked me about hook-up opportunities like he did when we were filming 111 Gramercy Park. He was as much of a veteran as I was, our pickup prospects should have been as clear to him as they were to me. It seemed to me that Jonathan, like me, was at another professional crossroads and 111 Gramercy Park would give him a fair chance at leading man status.”

“In my case, I would just be playing a different role, and there would be many more roles in the future,” he added.

White also talked about how he met Brandis, saying that although they “weren’t close at all as kids,” their paths crossed constantly.

“Our closest meeting so far was a mutual friend, an actress Tatyana Ali– he said. “He was Tatyana’s real boyfriend when I was filming my one episode The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Tatyana was so smitten with Jonathan that when it came time for us to kiss on screen, she turned her head so far towards the camera, hiding the fact that our lips were barely touching.”

“I understand, Tatiana,” he joked. “No one misinterprets our professional responsibilities.”

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Urkel Growing Up is already in bookstores.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Hotline by dialing 988, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Line to 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.