Clarke Carlisle works 12-hour shifts as an Amazon driver: Former footballer reveals he took the job to pay the bills running his mental health charity

Former Premier League football star Clarke Carlisle has revealed she works 12-hour shifts as an Amazon driver to pay the bills while also running her mental health charity.

The former defender (45), who played for England Under-21s as well as Burnley, QPR and Leeds United, who has spoken openly about his depression and a series of suicide attempts, claims he has “made huge psychological progress”.

He tried to take his own life 10 years ago by crossing a barrier into the path of a truck going 60 miles per hour, and he said seeing the aftermath of a road accident during one of his deliveries recently brought him to tears.

Carlisle, who was president of the Professional Footballers’ Association from 2010 to 2013, now opens up more about the new life he has built.

Carlisle survived a December 2014 truck accident with serious injuries, but a year later he attempted suicide – a total of five times, he told police Telegraph.

Now he believes he can finally say, “I feel good,” Carlisle said of the responsibilities he has taken on during his recovery.

These include a new role as chief operating officer of the wellbeing coaching charity It’s Mental.

During his career, he also appeared on Channel 4’s Countdown four times and was named Britain’s Smartest Footballer in a TV quiz hosted by Carol Vorderman.

His new charity role comes after completing an honors degree in psychology while studying for an MBA at the University of York.

He also started another job to help earn extra money, working shifts delivering parcels for Amazon, and was recognized by former Stoke City and Cardiff City midfielder Graham Kavanagh opening doors for him.

He said that recently during his rounds, the trauma of his previous experiences came back to him, bringing him to tears after seeing the aftermath of a road accident.

Carlisle said: “There was a person in the road performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation. A guy was walking away with his head in his hands.

– It hit me in the stomach. I just burst into tears. About two hours later, while on my way to make a delivery, I had to stop the van for half an hour and have a good cry.

“I have made enormous psychological progress by talking about what happened. It was the first time it was physically presented to me, a similar moment and the effect it had on those around it.

I just felt so sorry. I am not guilty, I am just very sorry for my actions and the course of my life because I have had such an impact on other people. It was a hard moment.

In December 2014, Carlisle threw himself in front of a lorry on the A64 dual carriageway from Leeds to York.

He previously talked about how he struggled with increasing depression and feelings of worthlessness after retiring from professional sports in 2013.

He tried to make it as a pundit but lost his £100,000 role on ITV and was then arrested for drink driving just 36 hours before he attempted suicide in 2014.

Carlisle was seriously injured in the collision and was airlifted to Leeds General Hospital suffering from internal bleeding, a broken rib and cuts and bruises.

Now he recalls: “I had a twisted logic that if I did it on December 22, everyone would be able to enjoy Christmas and New Year’s because the funeral would have to take place in between.”

He said he had five suicide attempts, including one during his time at QPR from 2000 to 2004, when he was sidelined with injury, and then another after joining Leeds, where he played until 2005.

The incident on the A64 in December 2014 was followed by two further incidents – once at his home and the second after he went missing in September 2017, when he was last seen in Manchester and then turned up in Liverpool. His wife Carrie issued a public appeal for help in finding him.

Carlisle then spent three weeks in hospital, and a month later he revealed that he had “stubbornly searched for the most convenient way to commit suicide.”

He told BBC Radio 5 Live at the time: “I was lurking in the shadows, trying to go about my business.

“This car pulled up while I was sitting in the park and a guy came up and said, ‘I thought it was you – your family is looking for you.’

“The guy’s friend committed suicide a few days earlier and said, ‘I couldn’t pass by and check.’

“I didn’t want his help, but this guy sat next to me, hugged me and cried on my shoulder, urging me to contact my family.”

Now he claims there was a breakthrough in his relationship with his father after they talked while Carlisle was in a mental hospital.

Carlisle said: “He put his hand on me and said, ‘Son, whether you’re a footballer, whether you’re a garbage collector, whatever, I just love you – I’m so proud of you.’

“And it broke something in me, because I lived as if I had to deserve his attention and affection.”

Carlisle, a father of five whose first marriage ended in 2015, is now married to his second wife, Carrie, and they both work as mental health advocates.

As well as struggling with alcoholism and depression, he was also a compulsive gambler, but now says: ‘I choose not to gamble because I still have an innate need to recover any money I have lost.

“Finances are difficult for us, so losing money has practical consequences for me. I want to support my family and I would much rather earn money to pay for a house than win it. This is not satisfying.

Carlisle has already spoken about his experience in October 2022, when data released by the PFA revealed that almost 10 per cent of top-flight and EFL players surveyed last season had experienced bullying.

Figures released to coincide with this year’s World Mental Health Day also showed that almost five per cent of people had had suicidal thoughts.

Carlisle now wants players at all levels to have support systems where details of their mental wellbeing are “centralised” and shared with social workers, but not with the coach, managers or other club staff.

For confidential support, call Samaritans on 116 123 and visit samaritans.org or go to www.thecalmzone.net/get-support.