Grief is a complex issue – but why are people attacking Payne’s ex?

Maja Henryk

Olivia Petter, Independent

If you’ve been reading about Liam Payne this week, you’ve probably also read about his ex-girlfriend Maya Henry. And if you go down the social media rabbit hole, most of what you read won’t be pleasant. “It’s all your fault” – one of the comments under the model’s latest post on Instagram can read. “Are you happy now?” asks another. There are entire speeches about Henry’s character, her career, and her upbringing. It appears that some grieving fans instinctively blamed Henry for Payne’s death and, as a result, continually abused her. Needless to say, the death of the former One Direction star, who fell from a balcony in Argentina last week at the age of 31, is a tragedy that has shaken even those who were never fans of 1D in the first place to their core. Payne joins the list of famous, talented and beautiful men whose all-too-short lives were marked by struggles with drugs and alcohol. Phoenix River. Kurt Cobain. Jim Morrison and so on. Over time, these deaths take on their own eerie mythology. The strange, tragic romanticism we apply to them conceals many broken lives: girlfriends, exes, children.

In Payne’s case, social media has amplified the simultaneous glorification and horror. The musician, an active user of Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat, made his fans feel as if they knew him. For many, the reaction to his death was like losing a true friend. Because that’s what he was to a lot of people – the cheeky, go-to guy who got sucked into the dizzying heights of fame. He was someone people connected with. They were on his side and he was on theirs.

One consequence of this is that many fans had difficulty considering the idea that their hero could cause harm. Wives, girlfriends and ex-lovers are almost always blamed and persecuted when a death like Payne’s occurs: Many Nirvana fans blame Cobain’s suicide on his wife, Courtney Love, with whom he had a famously tumultuous relationship. Recently, Ariana Grande was criticized following the death of her former partner, Mac Miller, who died of an overdose in 2018.

However, the vitriol directed at Henry was blatant. She was first linked to Payne in 2018, shortly after his split from Cheryl Tweedy, with whom he now shares seven-year-old son Bear. The couple became engaged in 2020 but split the following year before briefly reconciling and later splitting for good in May 2022. Two years later, while Payne was in a relationship with influencer Kate Cassidy, Henry released a novel titled “Looking Forward,” which is about a young woman’s relationship with former boy band star Oliver, who suffered from addiction and mental health issues, and was “inspired by true events,” which fans immediately understood was about Payne. Oddly enough, at one point Oliver threatens to jump off the balcony. Payne has never publicly admitted to Henry’s novel, but that hasn’t stopped fans from using it against her after his death, using it as further “evidence” that she is guilty and accusing her of being “obsessed” with the musician .

However, Henry’s version reveals a more complicated truth. In the weeks before his death, she allegedly issued a cease and desist against Payne, alleging that he had repeatedly contacted her as well as her friends and family. In an eight-minute video posted to TikTok, she stated, “Ever since we broke up, he’s been sending me messages… always from different phone numbers too, so I never know where it’s coming from,” while in a recent episode of the Internet is Dead podcast, published before Payne’s death ‘a, Henry revealed that during their relationship she felt the singer used suicide threats as a “manipulation tactic.” “Ever since we broke up, he was always sending me messages saying, ‘Oh, I don’t feel well,'” she said. “He was always playing with death and saying, ‘Well, I’m going to die.’ I’m not doing well.”

The only appropriate response to this is compassion in many ways. For Henry, whose accusations can only evoke horror and pity. And for Payne, no matter what state of mind he must have been in, behaving the way Henry accused him of. Who helped her? Who helped him? And how long did it go on, causing more and more mental and emotional damage?

But there seems to be evidence that the Internet is finally acknowledging the many truths that can inform one person’s life, especially one so starkly visible in the public eye. For example, many fans responded to Henry’s abuse with calls for sympathy and support. “Maya Henry’s comments already blame her for his death. I hate everyone,” one person wrote on X/Twitter. “A circle of peace and protection around Maya Henry,” added another. There seems to be a growing realization that blaming Henry is not only cruel and unjustified, but also futile and only serves to cause further pain.