Harvard Crimson

After weeks of constant exposure to the sun – never really knowing when it’s officially time to hang up the T-shirts – it’s safe to say sweater weather is here to stay. Besides cuddling up in sweatshirts and sweatpants, it’s finally time to get into the spooky Halloween spirit (yippee!) by watching reruns of “Girl Vs. Monster” and preparing Amazon costumes at the last minute. The only problem is that Halloween 2024 falls on a family weekend… just like last year (yippee). As you prepare to read a page from Hannah Montana’s book on how to balance a double life, read our proven tips on how to scare your parents:

1. Lie that you have midterm classes to study for

Listen, being a student is especially difficult in the middle of the semester. Paper after paper and exam after exam, it may seem that there is no end in sight. Without a clear end to look forward to, October is honestly a bit worse.

So if you want to scare your parents as much as checking Canvas this month terrifies you, tell them that most of your midterms miraculously fall in the week right after Halloween Family weekend. Instead of going out to dinner with your parents, unfortunately you’ll be stuck at Lamont on Friday and Saturday nights serving as academic weapons (poor thing). Bonus points if they get so scared that they buy you study snacks that you’re sure to eat in your dorm at 2 a.m. with your friends.

2. Cancel your breakfast plans and take it to the dhall instead

Due to a long, long night of studying, you may unfortunately wake up late and miss your family breakfast. But before you panic when you check your phone and see a dozen missed calls from your parents, think about the positive side that has appeared before you: the opportunity to introduce your parents to the best brunch this side of the river. Yep, you guessed it, HUDS. As you show them around our unique selection of fresh berries (…oh wait) and chicken that’s never a little pink on the inside, be sure to stop by the Oatly machine and show them what a nutritious diet you have!

3. Show them around the room

Once you’re done in the dhal, be a good kid and invite your parents to your apartment. After all, since Harvard is your home away from home, it’s natural that your parents are curious about how you used your dorm space. Be sure to show them your unmade bed, the expensive cans of Celsius you bought at CVS on a particularly vulnerable evening, and the laundry basket that’s definitely not overflowing with dirty clothes. Bonus points if a Halloween costume you didn’t wear the night before is lying on the ground or if your mom sighs or shakes her head at any point during the trip.

4. Celebrate Harvard’s victory over Princeton

What better way to spend time with your family than at the Harvard vs. Princeton football game. You might shock your parents how much school spirit Harvard students have when they maybe check Lamont’s score once and say, “Oh, I think that’s cool.” You will create family memories that will last a lifetime and will be remembered every Thanksgiving holiday.

While Halloween x Family Weekend may seem daunting at first, these tips are sure to make your experience even more enjoyable. No matter what happened between Thursday and Sunday, the love your family has for you will remain true. So just sit back and enjoy the spooky ride.